Listening to Shame with Brene Brown
Joanne Louis-Paul • August 6, 2021
Learn to break free from shame
As we come to the end of this cycle, I wanted to share a great TED Talk about shame by research professor and acclaimed public speaker, Brené Brown. Here are some of my favorite points from the talk:
- Vulnerability is not weakness
- Vulnerability is emotional risk, exposure, and uncertainty
- An accurate measure of courage
- Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change
- We need to talk about shame - “The swampland of the soul”
- It needs to be walked through
- “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” - Theodore Roosevelt
- Shame tries to keep you small and hold you back
- Our shame is our own worst critic
- Shame asks “Who do you think you are?”
- Shame vs. Guilt
- Shame is a focus on self (“I am bad”), guilt is a focus on behavior (“I did something bad”)
- There is a strong correlation between shame and addiction, depression, violence, etc. and an inverse correlation with those behaviors and guilt
- Guilt is uncomfortable, but adaptive
- Shame is organized by gender
- For women - do it all, do it perfectly, and never let them see you sweat
- For men - do not be perceived as weak
- Shame is a cultural epidemic
- Shame grows with secrecy, silence, and judgement
- Empathy kills shame
- Vulnerability connects us to each other
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